Way back in 2007 a member of our church's Homeschool Fellowship posted to our group asking about burnout and goals and the journey...and I responded in my usual wordy way. But I find that my answer to that posting that many years ago rings true. I wanted to pull that one out of mothballs for those who might never have seen it. Hope this rings true for some of you. I've only updated a few parts of it for 2011. Enjoy.
"I’ve thought and prayed over your question for the last couple days…not wanting to post until I had something formulated that I thought made sense or until I had given it a good prayerful turn-around in my head and heart. I haven’t succeeded in formulating what I want to say well, because I don’t think the answer is a simple one…but I’ve prayed over it anyway. :) ---I’ve read everything everyone has posted and there is a wealth of good stuff that has been offered. I have a couple other thoughts that may agree with others in some ways, but may look at the question a bit differently. While I say a “couple” …you all know me well enough to know that I tend to tell the long story…so bear with my length.
We’ve been doing this “homeschooling thing” for 16 years now. In that time, because of what I do now, what I did before and the places I’ve been, I’ve had a chance to spend time with several hundred homeschooling families from across the country.---- What has always been obvious is that no two homeschooling pictures are the same anywhere. No one can tell you that their way to make homeschooling and “real life” work well is “THE way to do it right” or that the way that works for them now has always worked for them at 100% or will continue to work for them tomorrow. Our kids grow and change daily…not just in 1 year increments. The things they find easy today may be horrendously difficult tomorrow…and vice versa. There is no magic bullet that will pierce your (or any of our) homeschooling targets on a daily basis and always score a bull’s-eye. It’s the nature of the beast.
My feeling about this is that it comes down to the answers (your answers) to some questions. Individual results will depend on individual answers…and then be the result of the application of the best responses to those answers.
So we need to ask ourselves, especially as the year begins...
What’s the goal in this? Why are we doing this? –
- Is it to draw our children closer to one another and us and build family?
- Is it because we want to teach our Faith to our kids and avoid what the brick and mortar schools are teaching?
- Is it to provide a better academic background or move at a faster or slower pace?
- Is it to provide a more open, broad setting for learning…using the world and experiences?
- Is it because our kids aren’t getting the individual attention they need based on special issues, or gifts?
- Is it because we tried everything else and none of it provided what we wanted for our kids?
- Is it because our own education wasn’t what we want for our kids?
- Is it because with regard to philosophy of education, ours isn’t matched closely enough in any other school setting?
- Is there something other reason?
Likely, it’s some combination of all of those things…but there may be one or two that were your initial, strong, compelling reasons.
What do we want for our children as a result of homeschooling?
- To go to college and get a job?
- To find a skill that they enjoy that will support them?
- To become self-starters and self-teachers?
- To enjoy learning?
- To become skilled athletes?
- To become skilled musicians?
- To become faithful, devoted Christians?
- To become productive, involved members of society?
- To become lifelong academicians?
- To be Servants of Christ in the bigger world?
- Is there something else?
Likely, again, it’s some combination of those things, but we probably have a couple that mean the most to us.
Now, looking at those two things, it might be worth looking at the method we choose to get there.
How do we homeschool and what do we do with our “homeschool” time?
- Do we do just bookwork all day?
- Do we do lots of trips and museums and some bookwork?
- Do we do bookwork and private lessons in things?
- Do we have every day the same?
- Do we make every day different?
- Do we not do anything formal, but hit the topics we feel are needed in some way?
- Are we structured, unstructured, classical, eclectic, Christian Curriculum users, Secular Curriculum users, unschoolers, virtual schoolers, informal schoolers…traditional homeschoolers…
- Are we teaching what our kids need, what our kids want, what we think they need, what we think they want…or just what we were taught, because that’s what we feel safe with?
- Are we doing what we do by modeling something else…our public or private school experience of what school should look like…or other homeschoolers we think are doing well?
Now bear with me from here ….
The more I think about it, even after all these years, the more I view homeschooling as a roadmap.
We want to get on the road for a reason, and go somewhere with our kids as a destination. That destination is our goal.
Our vehicle is homeschooling, and each and every vehicle is unique. The hitch is that there are infinite roads to take to get to that destination. Some long, some short, some round-about, some scenic, some pretty straightforward highway type driving. The point though, is to get there…remembering of course, to stop and enjoy the sights (and sites) along the way and to remember certainly, that sometimes, for a each child we school, that the destination we had in mind might not be the right one for the child.
Ultimately though, our goal, our destination is to drop our kids off at the end…in adulthood or whatever you want to call it…and have them be self reliant.
(I know that some say it’s not a destination, it’s a journey…and that may be true, but only if you say that you get to a point where your journey and the journey of your child splits and you continue on separate roads.
When they don’t, you have that 35 year old guy living in his parents’ basement. :) Which may be a goal for some! Who knows! :) )
Now... taking my convoluted road analogy a little further…
If you know where you are going…or perhaps you have an idea of it when you start and the destination changes along the way (you think college and the child decides, “nope…I’m going to become a stone mason!”)... and you replot your trip…you can choose long, short, scenic…something else, BUT you are not likely to turn around and head in the other direction. We do, after all, have a limited quantity of time to be on the road with our kids.---
We don’t want to get side tracked for too long in things that are counter-productive to the journey. Too much time spent running in the wrong direction won’t get you where you want to go. Can you, for a short period of time, chuck the goal? You could unschool for years and not get sidetracked.
Sure….but if you lose sight of WHY you are doing this and of your and your child’s desired outcome, you get lost on the road. You get frustrated, lost and burned out and then, it happens! You stop your car and put the kids on the bus and send them on someone else’s idea of what the journey should be…with different reasons, goals and outcomes. You might not even know what the destination is and lose your kid in the process.
(---but I digress.)
All this to say… if ANYTHING you’re doing, regardless of how “good it is” or “how much fun it is” or “that learning/doing it as a child is best” or whatever…if ANYTHING drives you from your main goal, your reason for doing this, and you get turned in the wrong direction for too lo, you need to rethink things. That map doesn’t work. Unless you’re ready to change your goal or destination, you need to fix the way you get there.
I reassess and revamp…often….
Reassessing the goal (why do we CONTINUE to do this?), and validate or invalidate our roadmap.
If there is a deterrent from what we’re after, we have to pretty aggressively re-route our plan.---
Being sidetracked is a #1 cause of burnout; too many things that are good on their own, but that detract from our goal. Trust me, if it doesn’t add to the goal, then it isn’t plunked in your life to be dormant…it’s sucking the life out of what you really want to be doing. You only have 100% to give, in terms of time…and you have only a limited number of years to impact your child on the journey. What do you want them impacted BY?
OK…I’ve said too much for too long and you’re rolling your eyes at me. Just stew on it. What's your goal? How are you getting there? And what are you going to do to keep on track?
Just some thoughts...from a fellow traveler.
Best,
Lori
Now I have to tell you that not everyone takes laundry...and not everyone needs to. Last year I took the white shirts...shall I say the white, ruffle-collared and ruffle-cuffed shirts...38 of them. This was a labor of love. I had watched the costumers last year sew each and every one of those shirts...and I had helped do the gathering at the shoulder of those sleeves...around 40 sleeves...and pinned at least that many into the shirts so they could be sewed. I had some effort invested in those shirts...so I brought them home to care for them. So I washed, and pretreated the make-up stains on those collars...and washed them again...and for a few... washed yet again. Then each went on a hanger and was hung out in the early spring sunshine to dry. I wondered what my neighbors thought about all those near identical white shirts hanging 6 inch apart on my clothesline. Fortunately the world couldn't see them...but a few neighbors could. No one asked. I wish I had had wings I could have attached to the line as well. All that white was simply BEGGING for wings! :) 
I forgot that this week was a short one for me and that I wouldn't be at theater on Wednesday to return them. Meaning I'd have to have them done by Tuesday to give them to my friend who will have my kids on Wednesday. Which meant that I'd have to get them done on Sunday...or not at all. It also meant that there wasn't enough "sun" to air dry them all. The drier would have to suffice...on gentle of course.
